With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
