If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
