I'm really into asian looking animals
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
