Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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