Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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