I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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