I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
