we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
