That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
