u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
