I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
