please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
