remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
