Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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