We're facebook friends in real life
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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