I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
