Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
