I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
