my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
