Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
