smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have demons in me.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
