SEEEEXXX PLEASE
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
