she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
