The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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