Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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