Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Randomize
