If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
