She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if only i could text you this smell
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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