She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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