we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
