in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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