3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
