I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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