I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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