The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
