i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
