Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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