Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
