i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
