Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
