i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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