he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
