K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
