I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
