Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
