You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
