i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
