I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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