rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
