I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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