bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
