I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
