I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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