I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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