I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
